Dating and Confused | BONUS
In this EpisodeUp until now, our bonus episodes have been phone calls between Adriana and Mariah, mostly focused around Adriana’s struggles – keeping a business afloat during a pandemic, and fertility challenges. In this episode, however, we took a turn and started talking Mariah off the ledge of the difficulty of dating as a millennial.
The unfortunate reality of dating today is that it’s changed from even just a couple of years ago. Now with dozens of dating apps and social media to worry about, what was once a simple process of “you like me, I like you, let’s date” has turned into walking on eggshells, constantly second-guessing, and just overall difficulty when it comes to finding a match.
The other problem with millennial dating is that the option of what’s behind “door number two” is available to you at the drop of a hat – or should we say, the swipe of a finger. Dating apps don’t necessarily provide an organic attraction, and when the organic nature isn’t there, the potential of something better is ever-present, and constantly nagging to be satiated. Everyone makes themselves so available, that the thought of being committed to one person when there is so much else out there makes people (let’s be honest, usually men) want to explore other options.
And don’t get us wrong, there’s nothing wrong with exploring your options, but where’s the line between being free to explore and actually knowing when something or someone is right for you? So right, in fact, that you don’t feel the need to see what’s behind door number two? This also brings up the frustration of people (again, we’re looking at you, men), saying that they’re not ready, or feeling like the girl is too ahead of them emotionally. Then they end up leaving you and wasting your time. When we’re constantly stuck in these situations, it’s hard not to start feeling like we have to tip-toe around any relationship that we’re in, and constantly asking ourselves – am I doing too much? Was that text too aggressive? Did I call him one too many times? Because, honestly, if you’re doing “too much,” get ready for that boy to look right behind door number two. The flip side of this is that we can get into a cycle of never giving anyone the benefit of the doubt. If we get so used to people checking behind door number two because we’re always feeling like we’re doing too much, we can fall into pushing everyone away before we even give them a chance. It’s a fine line.
Adriana, being that she never had to go through the confusion and annoying-ness of dating apps, had some advice to offer Mariah when it came to standards in relationships. We can map out all of our non-negotiables – things that you know you would never let slide in a relationship. Then, as you’re dating, if something falls outside of the circle on non-negotiables you’ve decided on, you can realize that it’s something you don’t necessarily have to focus on. Because we can’t focus all of our attention on things that are out of the scope of our non-negotiables – otherwise, we’ll just drive ourselves crazy trying to satiate an insatiable relationship. Again, it’s a fine line to walk, and it’s hard to navigate, but we like to look at it this way. With every goodbye, we learn something; whether it’s about ourselves, the other person, or life in general, saying goodbye to relationships sucks, but it can teach us a lot about how to move forward in the next one.
We also have to realize that love doesn’t happen as fast as it does in the movies, or as perfectly as it may appear on your friends’ social media feeds. Sometimes we have to reign in the expectations of how long it will take to find and get to know someone, and to develop a true relationship. Love and relationships are hard, but we just have to keep holding onto the hope and the belief that we will find our person, and it won’t be because we’re settling for less than we deserve, but because we’ve learned from (or should we say… glowed through) our previous experiences to get us where we are, and to get us to who we are meant to be with.
We’ll leave you with this (but not really leave you, because there will be plenty more episodes about this topic). Dating is hard, and it kind of sucks. But, just like we talked about in Adriana’s Fertility Journey episode, we are not our struggles, but how we get through them. We aren’t defined by our dating experiences, but how we learn and grow from them.
Important Times0:18 - Adriana and Mariah, calling in!
3:49 - The problem with millennial dating
4:22 - Feeling like you’re “doing too much”
6:24 - How do we differentiate what we deserve from being free?
9:53 - Validating yourself in relationships & not settling
12:40 - Timing – it doesn’t happen as fast as it does in the movies
Can't get enough?;)Tune In
 | Apple Podcast |
 | Spotify |
 | Youtube |
dive in deeper
Welcome bestie.
We’re so glad you’re here.
We’re Adriana and Mariah. Co-hosts, entrepreneurs, BFFs, and girls just like you trying to figure it out as we go.
